My mother had a wise parenting philosophy regarding what my siblings and I saw on TV and in movies, and even books. I cannot remember her ever censoring a program, book, or movie outright. But that does not mean she turned a blind eye to the media we were consuming. Instead she drove conversation. “Why do you want to watch that?” she would ask. Or, “Do the people in this TV show act very mature?” My mom quickly pulled up the (awesome!) USCCB review for a garbage movie some of my brother’s friends wanted to see with some girls from their class, and then bluntly asked him, “That movie is about a group of boys who are trying to convince a girl to have sex with one of them… is that a movie you want to go see with that group?” He decided to pass. When my sister got into “Glee” as an entire episode dedicated to high schoolers loosing their virginity came along, my mom watched too and they talked about the choices the characters were making.
Mom’s critical engagement with media has stuck with me, and came racing back as I binge watched “Transparent” this weekend. The Amazon original TV series follows Maura (formerly Mort)– a transgender father of three adult children who each face their own sexually charged crises, occasioning ample nudity, sex scenes, and drug use. No way would my high-school self have been willing to watch (and therefore discuss) all that under my mother’s parameters. Is there something to be gained from exposing ourselves (as adults) to this sort of television? My mom would say that it depends why we are watching and whether we are having a conversation about both the good and bad that we find.
I discovered the gay sub-plot of closeted teenager Andrew in Desperate Housewives with rapt fascination at age 14. It was surreal to see a hidden part of my own curiosities and desires playing out on the screen in my basement. I had no desire to trade my life for a soap opera plot, but representation in another story gave me a reference point for both comparisons and contrasts. I was not sleeping with a science class “lab partner”… but I did identify with Andrew’s disenchantment with suburbia’s expectations for his future. My mom didn’t know I was hooked on Desperate Housewives–and yet I think if she had known it might have catalyzed a lot of important conversations that were kicked down the road. Discussing a conservative family’s hostile reaction to a gay teenager on TV with my mother would have helped both of us learn how to talk about such things, and reflect on what Christian love calls from that situation.
Today’s media explores and exposes increasing experiences with which LGBT people and their families can relate. This provides all of us with an opportunity to both learn and dialogue. Amazon’s new “Transparent” is no exception. I’ll discuss how in my next post.
O happy fall... 